INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN: WHY IT IS DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE

                                     

                                             

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                   INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN:                           WHY IT IS DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE

Domestic violence is defined as the intentional and persistent abuse of anyone in the home in a way that causes pain, distress or injury. It refers to any abusive treatment of one family member by another, thus violating the law of basic human right.

Whereas, intimate partner violence is the domestic abuse specifically directed at a partner by his or her spouse in a romantic relationship. This abuse may take the form of psychological, sexual and/or economic violence.

Intimate partner violence in a relationship could be from the husband toward the wife or from the wife against the husband. In whichever way it occurs, it should be condemned by any sane person because it could lead to unhappiness in the affected family and physical and/or emotional injury to the affected victim of the violence. It could sometimes lead to extreme consequences like serious health crisis or death of the victim.

The presence of intimate partner abuse in a relationship may also have extended adverse effect on the offspring of such relationship. It is for this reasons that both local and international bodies including Non-Governmental organizations have raised their voice by way of advocacy to eradicate domestic violence in families particularly against women and girls.

Generally speaking, the constitution of governments and countries are framed to protect the fundamental human rights of its citizenry irrespective of their gender. Hence, we have “fundamental human right” and not “fundamental gender right.” This implies that, in law any partner (male or female) of a relationship has the right to seek redress where his or her fundamental human right is infringed by way of domestic abuse or in any way for that matter.

The unprecedented high frequency of domestic violence has prompted the intervention of Human Right Advocates, Non-Governmental organizations and government agencies alike. It has, however been observed that majority of the intervention bodies are established for the protection of women. This tilt in advocacy has given a biased impression to the society that domestic violence against the man is a taboo. Many believe that the intimate partner violence against men is too insignificant to warrant the attention of the society or the world at large.

There are many driving factors for this biased belief against the abuse of men in their romantic relationship. Some of them are as listed below:

Ø Female genital mutilation

Ø Under-age marriage of girls (forced child marriage)

Ø Rape of women and girls

Ø Wife inheritance

Ø Patriarchal perception

Female genital mutilation is an old cultural belief particularly in Africa. The genital mutilation is similar to the circumcision of the sexual organ of a male child. On the part of the girl-child, the reason for this act is not to allow the girl-child to be sexually corrupt. However, it is claimed that a medical research carried out has shown that there is a health hazard effect on the sexual organ of the female baby while no such hazard was discovered for the male child. On this premise, a lot of effort has been embarked upon by both local and international bodies to discourage this age-long cultural belief. These efforts come in form of advocacy that were mainly promoted by women groups. This advocacy also gets strong support of the UNICEF, the children arm of the United Nations Organization. Essentially, this advocacy is directly or indirectly against the men folk been the head of the family.

Another driving factor against the men is marriage of minor or what many call forced child (girl) marriage. In this circumstance, it could be rarely happen that a minor child boy is forced into a marriage, whereas marriage of minor age girl is traditionally permissible in some local communities in Africa. 

However, because of the global non-acceptability of this practice on the basis that the minor has been denied of personal consent to the marriage; there are strong advocacy against this practice. These advocacy bodies are formed and supported by women groups at both local and international levels. Again this is against the men; though a very insignificant number of men are engaged in such practice.

Rape of women and girls is another critical issue. The natural sexual urge in men make them vulnerable to this crime if they lack the required self-discipline and control. Rape in itself is a crime and should not be condoned for any reason. However, because women do not have the same degree of sexual urge, the advocacy against rape is also spearheaded by the women folk. Advocacy against rape is always campaigned under the broad theme of “Sexual violence.”

From this point of view, campaign for the stoppage of sexual violence will continue to be against the men with even greater local and international support. Advocacy for the eradication of sexual violence particularly against the women, has grossly shielded other non-sexual violence but equally serious violence against the men by their spouses.

In the UNICEF conceptualizationss of domestic violence, it partly defines domestic violence to include “traditional practices harmful to women such as female genital mutilation and wife inheritance i.e. the practice of passing a widow and her property to her dead husband’s brother.”

Wife inheritance is another traditional belief in Africa that a wife, who is properly married with her bride price fully paid, cannot remarry outside her husband’s family members if her husband dies young. This implies that she should be inherited by way of automatic marriage to a brother of her dead husband. However, this traditional custom is globally condemned. Hence, the international advocacy against the act. In this case also men are at the receiving end.

Another reason can be seen in the pressures of a patriarchal society, where masculinity is dominant and valued so highly. These societal expectations are what feminists have frequently highlighted as the source of female prejudice, but which are also the source of many problems faced by men. This orientation makes it difficult to believe that men can be victims of intimate partner violence since they are supposed to be superior in all ways to their women counterparts. Hence, it is unheard for a man to report assault by his wife.

Masculinity needs to be redefined with regards to the possibility of being less superior to the female gender. It is equally important to note that patriarchy is a sexist ideology.

Another factor that makes it even more difficult to believe that men could be victims of intimate partner violence is based on the premise of a popular adage that says “a house against itself cannot stand.” When a man is physically assaulted by his wife, he’s mocked by his fellow men for not being manly enough to have allowed such assault.                                                                    

It is also observed that men are not giving the matter the seriousness it deserves. In a radio telephoning programme on “Domestic Violence against the Men” aired recently, a caller was mocked by the panel of presenters for not speaking loud enough on his mobile phone. They jokingly asked him if he was being beaten by his wife. Jokes like this would not encourage other men victims to speak up on their agony. Similarly, public actions like this would not allow the government and relevant agencies to give a listening ear to the plights of men in their intimate partnership.

There was a publication in The Punch Metro News of 26 January, 2022 captioned “Lagos housewife allegedly kills husband with pressing iron during argument.” It was reported in the publication that “she first of all drugged him and when he slept off and lost all his senses, she plugged a pressing iron to the hottest and burnt him on several parts of his body until he died.”                                                              How else can we believe in the reality of intimate partner violence against the men?

Mrs. Tola Oguntade, a Lagos State Judge in her contribution to the review and reform of Lagos State Protection Against Domestic Violence Law (DVL) 2007 as part of efforts to combat rising cases of domestic violence, she said that “men should be sufficiently protected in provisions in the new Domestic Violence Law.” She said, “Prior to sitting at the Family Court, I used to think that domestic violence was perpetuated by men but I was wrong.” “As we say protect women, protect children, I say protect the men (also).” She concluded.

It is in my opinion therefore, that we are fighting the same cause from different perspectives – total eradication of domestic violences, just so to build happy families and ultimately happy society.