Domestic Violence against Men: Breaking the Silence Tradition

                                        

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Domestic Violence against Men: Breaking the Silence Tradition

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence occurs between people who are or have been in a close relationship. Domestic violence can take many forms including emotional, sexual and physical abuse, stalking and threats of abuse. Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviours to control his or her partner.

Domestic violence against men has been around for as long as humanity and history of welfare. It has been cloaked in a shroud of denial and often treated as incidental to conflict. It is erroneously believed that this could happen as a defensive attack from the female spouse against the man. To this end, the society perceives the man as the perpetrator of violence and abuse against his spouse. While the impact of under-reporting by male victims cannot be over-emphasized, it is clear that it undermines a full understanding of the depth of the problem in every given situation, adversely impacts the analysis of the scope, nature and root causes of the crime.

Many factors could be responsible for the silence tradition of men on domestic abuse against them. These may include:

•          Fear of been stigmatized
•         Family pressure
•         Religious pressure
•         Doubt in the fair judgement of the relevant agencies
•         Lack of confidence in the available system of conflict mediation
•         Fear of patriarchy approach to reported abuse.

Breaking silence culture is discouraged because domestic violence, particularly against men is considered as a family matter. If a man tries to break the silence around his violations he will be told to go home and sort it out in the family.

Men who experience domestic violence and abuse often don’t seek help until the problem becomes a crisis. Men tends to worry they would not be believed, or that they would be perceived as less masculine if they report abuse. When men are unable to see themselves as victims, it increases their reluctance to see help.

It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men. Early in the relationship, your partner might seem loving, humble and obedient in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse partner might apologize and promise not to abuse you again.

If you are in an abusive situation, you might recognize the following pattern:

·         Your abuser threatens violence

·         Your abuser strikes you

·         Your abuser apologizes and promises to change.

Typically, the violence becomes more frequent and severe over time. There are, however harmful health effects of not breaking the silence of violence and abuse.

Domestic violence can leave you depressed and anxious, and can increase your risk of having a drug or alcohol problem. Because men are traditionally thought to be physically stronger than women, you might be less likely to report domestic violence in your heterosexual relationship due to envisaged embarrassment. You might also worry that people will minimize the importance of the abuse because you are a man. If you seek help, you also might find that there are fewer resources for male victims of domestic violence.

Health care providers and other contacts might not think to ask if your injuries were caused by domestic violence, making it harder to open up about abuse. You might fear you will be accused of wrongdoing yourself. But remember, though if you are being abused, you are not to blame nor are you alone – help is available.

Start by telling someone about the abuse, whether it’s a friend, relative, health care provider or other close and trusted contact. At first you might find it hard to talk about the abuse. However, you will also likely feel relief and could receive the much needed support.

The good news is that breaking the silence tradition of domestic violence is not impossible after all. Report has it that more men are now willing and ready to report abuse against them in their relationship.

The 2021 bi-annual report of Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT) reveals that 194 men reported assault by their partners in the period of January 2021 to June 2021. However, the number of men that reported abuse by their spouses in the same period of 2020 were 108. This shows that 2021 figure is 44.33 per cent higher than that of 2020. Though the awareness created by DSVRT of Lagos State is yielding positive result in abuse report by men; the Coordinator/Director of DSVRT, Mrs. Vivour-Adeniyi believes there is still need for more men to speak up. According to her: Patriarchy is an enemy of everybody because it keeps people in silence.

“From a young age, males are not allowed to express themselves when they are experiencing trauma, and that lingers on to adulthood. When a man is experiencing violence, even his fellow men mock him, and such a person will not be able to speak up” she concluded.

She further promised that men will be treated with empathy and professionalism to encourage other men to speak up and report abuse.

If you are being domestically abused as a man, you are advised to take a risk by speaking up. Take the risk of being stigmatized for not been manly. Why not, life itself is a risk. At any rate, where we fail take a risk every other thing is at risk.

 

References:

1.       Reuters Health Researchers

2.       “Broken Men Break the Silence” Male Domestic Violence Victims and their Struggle to be heard – Katie Lambert

3.       Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT)