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Discontentment in
Women: Bane of Intimate Partner Violence against Men
A common adage says – “Show me a
man who satisfies a woman in all ways, and I will show you a dead man.” In the
African setting the man is the head of the family and as such, he is primarily
responsible for the well-being of every member of his family. Here, a man is
not responsible enough if he’s lacking in the provision of any need of his
family members, particularly his wife. At the point of getting married, a man
knows that if his wife is not engaged in a paid job, then she must be
established on a particular trade to make her psychologically responsible and
to be able to meet her immediate personal needs.
However, since human beings
operate under the natural law of needs; we find out that the satisfaction of
meeting one need calls for the want of another. Hence, the common saying that
“human needs are insatiable.” Based on this premise it becomes difficult for a
man, if not impossible, to satisfy a woman in every way.
In the need relationship of a husband and his wife, two
major factors can be identified as the driving variables of intimate partner violence
against man by his spouse. These are money and s*x. A man could be recognized
as being “lucky” if he is abundantly blessed with these two variables i.e.
abundantly wealthy and actively s*xy. Such a man would be honored and highly
respected by her husband. However, at any time in the relationship, the absence
of any of these two variables would gradually make the man a victim of abuse
and an object of ridicule regardless of his past contributions to the wife,
even as relate to money and s*x.
Consider a scenario where a couple is blessed with six
children, three boys and three girls (including a set of twins). Along the
line, the man became ill and on recovery from his illness his s*xual
performance dropped drastically and unable to satisfy his wife as usual. This
became a serious issue of abuse and the man was always at the mercy of the wife
over any little argument to avoid spouse abuse and humiliation. This matter got
more serious and unbearable for the man until he was forced to relocate leaving
the wife and the children.
Money as a driving variable of
intimate partner violence against men surprisingly, affects even wealthy couples.
Imagine a scenario where a man retires from an oil company as a senior manager.
He received his gratuity of 50 million Naira. He informed his wife of the cash
settlement and gave her N10 million to establish herself in a viable trade
since he is now retired from regular pay service. The wife was happy and
thanked him for his kindness. However, about two weeks later the wife
approached her husband to provide her with the sum of N500, 000 to meet her
personal needs. The husband pleaded that his plan on the remaining N40 million
is to establish a business that could sustain the family. He advised her to
sort the personal needs out of the amount given to her. That was the beginning
of spouse abuse and intimate partner violence against the man in all fronts of
the relationship.
If you are in any similar
position of abuse in your relationship, either physical or psychological, or
both; you should know that you are not alone in such situation. You therefore
need to ignore the “shame” and speak out. Meet a relative, a trusted family
friend, or a Human Right body. This is the only way you can start a move to
stop the abuse, or at least to seek support in your situation. This move is
important because as long as your spouse does not show any sign of forgiveness
for your “offence,” she may take a more dangerous step against you. Speak out
now!
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