Control: A Tool for Intimate Partner Violence against Men

                                                             

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Control: A Tool for Intimate Partner Violence against Men

The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines control as the ability to make one do what you want, or the act of restricting, limiting or managing something.

Controlling behavior in male partner is easier and more obvious to recognize in a relationship because it seems “normal” in a patriarchal society like ours. For this reason if such behavioral attitude is displayed by a female partner it is hardly believed. However, the truth remains that female partners equally exhibit controlling behavior as their male counterparts if not more.

Controlling behavior is more common and can be equally or more threatening than physical or sexual violence.

It is commonly accepted that control and power are underlying factors for physical and other forms of violence by intimate partners. Control in intimate partner relationships can be conceptualized as a problem of one partner using threats and emotional abuse to maintain control over the other partner. Studies have shown that controlling behavior is significantly associated with higher likelihood of physical or emotional violence in intimate partnership, given that controlling behaviors reflect a power motive.

Though there could be genuine love of a spouse in suggesting, for instance, the best way to dress for her husband at any time or at all times; but occasionally the husband may refuse to yield to her suggested choice of dress. The wife should allow him with love. However, if she becomes abusive for the husband’s refusal, then the supposed “love” has turned “control.”

Often times, in exercising control over her partner, a wife with such traits may insist on who the partner could visit and who he could not visit; which friend to allow in and which not to allow in; which relative to welcome and which not to welcome and the like. Any attempt to resist such control is likely to result in physical or emotional abuse or both by the wife.

It has been proposed that Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is not a single phenomenon, but consists of two distinct types of violence, defined conceptually in terms of the presence or absence of controlling behavior in the violent member of the couple. The critical difference between the main types of violence, referred to as “intimate terrorism” and “situational couple violence”, is that the former is characterized by the efforts of one partner to systematically control the other partner while “situational couple violence” entails unilateral or bilateral violence evolving as an escalation of conflicts into violence in the absence of control tactics.

However, the idea of two types of domestic violence has been questioned in that situational couple violence may evolve into intimate terrorism via continuous escalation of the violence over time.

Situational couple violence is commonly associated with less severe injuries while the physical violence in intimate terrorism is considered to be more frequent and injurious and likely to become aggravated over time.

Entitlement as a Control Strategy

When a female partner feels entitled, she believes she inherently deserve privilege or special treatment because of her education, career status, economic resources, family affluence etc.  She would generally believe that her husband, who is perhaps of lower status, is less deserving.

Traits of Entitlement in a Relationship

•                 An abuser will likely speak in ways that indicate they set the standards of behavior in the relationship and do not tolerate their partner veering away from those standards.

•                 An abuser is more likely to blame others for their behavior and more readily point out their partner’s flaws as a way to discredit them. If their partner thinks or feels different way, they will say demeaning things about them to make them feel unimportant.

If you are experiencing abuse of controlling behavior in your intimate partner relationship you are advised to consult appropriate service providers (as a survivor or a victim). You may also get in touch on hotlines for proper professional counselling and advice before it escalates into an unbearable level of violence. Speaking out might just be the way out.

References:

1.       Controlling behavior, power relations within intimate relationship and intimate partner physical and sexual violence against women in Nigeria. – Diddy Antai

2.       The role of controlling behavior in intimate partner violence and its health effects: a population based study from rural Vietnam – Gunilla Krantz & Nguyen Dang Vung.

3.       Power and Control in Relationships: An Assessment Tool – The New York State LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence Network’s Shelter Access Committee.