Intimate Partner Violence against Men: Avoiding Wife Abuses

                                                        

                                                              

                                                             

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Intimate Partner Violence against Men: Avoiding Wife Abuses

Domestic violence against men is not easily recognized because the image that is often in our minds is that of a battered woman or wife. Seldom do we think about a battered man or husband. To some people, the concept of domestic violence against men is so unthinkable that men often end up choosing to stay quiet if they become victims of domestic violence.

Many men who experience domestic abuse from a current or former partner find it difficult to get support; not least because it can be hard for men to acknowledge and discuss their experiences. This can be due to any number of reasons, including love for a partner, embarrassment or shame, and concern for children, or simply not knowing where to go. (Domestic Violence Against Men: Myth or Reality in the Nigerian Setting? – Esther Asekun-Olarinmoye, Asekun-Olarinmoye OS, Adebimpe WO, Omisore AG).

With due respect to Women’s Rights Activists, intimate partner violence against men is now more prevalent than ever before. However, men should endeavour to protect themselves from such abuses by taking possible proactive steps to prevent domestic violence against them from their spouses. Notwithstanding the fact that no husband can possibly satisfy a wife, as it is naturally difficult, if not impossible to satisfy anybody for that matter; men should find a way to “please” their spouses by being open to them as much as possible.

In a five-year study of 978 College students from California, concluded in 1997, Martins S. Fiebert and Denise M. Gonzalez found an intimate partner violence rate amongst women of 20%. Within this group, perpetrators were asked to select reasons as to why they assaulted their partners, with the option to choose multiple reasons. The breakdown of reasons had: “my partner wasn’t sensitive to my needs” as the most prevalent (46%). Also found more frequently than self-defense were “I wished to gain my partner’s attention” (44%) and “My partner was not listening to me.” (43%)

From the above research findings, many husbands or men could be found guilty of some of these assertions. Hence, beyond patriarchy ego and being the “head” of the family; husbands or men should be sensitive to the needs of their partners and also create time for intimate chatting. Men are advised to treat their spouses as partners and not as maids.

Other reasons proffered for domestic violence against men include:

• Inadequate earning of men (financial limitations)
• Infidelity towards wives
• Infertility of men
• Not abiding by the instruction of the wives.
• Not helping the partner in household activities
• Not taking proper care of children
• Abusing the spouse’s family
• Spying (stalking) the activities of partner
• Doubting the partner all the time and not trusting her
• Revolting by the wife when asked to look after in-laws.

(Domestic Violence Against Men: Myth or Reality in the Nigerian Setting? – Esther Asekun-Olarinmoye, Asekun-Olarinmoye OS, Adebimpe WO, Omisore AG).

In a relationship where the above reasons are partly or wholly evidenced, the advice to the male partner is to work on them holistically and make positive adjustment where possible without necessarily claiming to be infallible.

However, where your best as a man is not good enough for your spouse, do not hesitate to report any envisaged dangerous development to the appropriate authorities such as Human Rights bodies, Men’s Rights Activists like HearMan Initiative, or Help lines for counselling, before things get out of control.

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