DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN: EFFECTS OF WEAK SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP

                                       

                                    

      

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN: EFFECTS OF WEAK SEXUAL        RELATIONSHIP

Discourse on domestic violence against the men is not as pronounced as the debate and condemnation of domestic violence against the female gender. Some of the reasons for this disparity could be traced to the reluctance of men to discuss the issue of domestic abuse, particularly the driving factors of this abuse against them. Hence, the tendency of the society, including the law enforcement agency, to disbelief their agony and discomfort at home.

To start off this write up, the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) in its conceptualized definition of domestic violence, includes psychological, sexual and economic violence as aspect of the broad spectrum of domestic violence.

Though there is no justification for domestic violence or any violence for that matter against anyone; but in all of this, research has shown that it is possible to prevent many of these signs of violence in a typical intimate partner relationship by identifying the variable factors that may cause domestic abuse, especially from female partner against the male. This is a sort of proactive approach to avoid wife abuse that may lead to a more serious domestic violence from the woman. It becomes more logical for men to approach domestic violence from this angle due to the fact that men are rarely believed to be victims.

Instead for a man to allow his wife to abuse him physically or psychologically, and yet for the man to keep quiet for fear of been stigmatized as a “lesser man”; he should try to avoid this as much as possible. One of the ways to do this is by finding out what are likely causes of abuse from his spouse and to work on them proactively.

Two major factors may be identified as the driving forces of domestic violence against the men by their spouses. These are:

 1.      Money, and                                                                

 2.      Sex.

Ironically, a satisfactory sexual relationship seems to bring peace and cordiality among intimate partners rather than just money.

Notwithstanding the fact that no husband can fully satisfy a wife, men should find a way to “please” their wives by being financially open and sexually active.

In a five-year study of 978 College students from California, concluded in 1997, a group of researchers found an intimate partner violence rate amongst women of 20%. Within this group, perpetrators were asked to select reasons as to why they assaulted their male partners, with options to choose multiple reasons. The breakdown of reasons had are as indicated:

(i)                “My partner wasn’t sensitive to my needs” as most prevalent (46%)

Also found more frequently than self-defence were:

(ii)             “I wish to gain my partner’s attention.” (44%) and

(iii)           “My partner was not listening to me.” (43%).

A lot of men are not sensitive to the financial needs of their wives. Where one does not have enough, the man should try to be financially transparent as much as possible without being unnecessarily patriarchal.

Similarly, some men are not sexually active at home. Unfortunately, many of such men do not see anything wrong with this. Hence, the wife becomes unhappy and aggressive, leading to traits of psychological, and sometimes physical assault against the man. This issue may lead to a more serious depression that could make the wife to engage in extramarital affairs. It is not uncommon these days to read and hear about wife dating the Driver of her husband, Mistress dating her own Driver, wife dating the male family Cook, and madam dating the family Gardner.

With time, the secret of this extramarital affairs may leak to the husband. This would naturally lead to a serious psychological depression on the part of the husband.

From the above research findings, many husbands or men could be found guilty of some of these assertions. Hence, beyond being the “head” of the family, men should be sensitive to the financial and sexual needs of their partners.

In a relationship where the above reasons are partly or wholly evidenced, a candid advice to the man is to work on them holistically and make positive adjustment without claiming to be infallible. Your comment shall be appreciated.